Shame: Divine Healers Tarot Reading 27/08/2021 Sagittarius

 

Will I ever stop judging myself? 

I listen to so much tarot. I don't understand why I keep wishing you will come back? You will only leave again. Even if you love me, or loved me, you didn't have the staying power to well, stay...

So why bother me? 

What were yout intentions exactly?

Why was I so trusting?

Judgement, judgement.

Will we ever speak again? I don't know. You are leaving for a long journey and it doesn't sound like you are going to include me. Would you really rather be with me? You don't have the strength to fight for anything. 

Oh you and your family problems. You and your dissertation. You are your possible cheating. 

And I just scroll online waiting for you, and messaging. I shouldn't write to you. 

My heart isn't ready to let go... I guess...

So are you coming back to give me the truth? To give me justice?

I shouldn't wait. But I have been waiting a long time, and well...it is a hard habit to break.

Is there anything better out there. 

Tower moments. 

You really rock my world and I am really tired of it. 

Why couldn't you just be normal? 

Cheating? Were you cheating? 

Selfish prick. 

Knight of wands- the back to me - love and passion - really? 

In what direction? It will be another two months and should I stay here stuck in my relationship which is in my head now. Which is entirely one sided. 

You take action before thinking things through - clearly- and well...

Well you were always in control of the communication. Just so disappointing. 

This isn't a fated love. It is just some horse shit, more horse shit than I wanted to go through,. 

I feel like asking was that really just it? 

Was that just the ending? That it is all a happy memory, your best times were with me in the UK?

Jesus. I hate you, though. I can't believe I said I loved you and wanted to be with you, it clearly isn't returned the same way. 

Was that finally it? 

All just another thing, so you weren't there, you put me through that trauma. 

You were supposed to love and support me, but you didn't. 

I am frustrated and exhausted - eight of pentalces- block and challenge. I should just walk away, I should have done it a long time ago. 

Fears and insecurities were triggered. 

You won't do the necessary work and you have just walked away. 

Nine of wands - not to give up - wouldn't it just be a crazy ex who can't go. 

Truth of the situation- balance restored. 

Validation and vindication...but it is done. You weren't going to deal with it anymore. 

Love of my life? I am over it.

I spoke from my heart and talked about how this bothered me so much and sadness and grief. I mean I said that it was ok to be chatting and seeing one another but our relationship would not progress and so forth. 

Expressing the grief and sorrow and sadness of the cycle. Seven of swords, knight of wands, ace of cups but the wheel of fortune can not move. 

Ace of pentacles- I am ready for something more - looks like it will be elsewhere. Travel card, moving forward fast. 

Fast, fast, fast. 

Communicating. 

So much disappointmeant. So much. So much. 

Ace of pentclaes be my guide- I want this or something better. 

Libra, Sagittarius...

Will my fear rule or will I dictate the outcome?