I hate my life

 It is true. I hate my life right now. I just need to rant to the universe and the internet about my idiot ex and how he ghosted me for the millionth time and then showed up and said he couldn't cope with being there for me. 

What can you do exactly?

At least he is out of my life and on his way to a foreign country and will as likely never bother me again. 

He was a foolish person, he wasn't right for me. I look back and I regret giving him all this love and all this understanding and all this support...and he offered me nothing and was probably just messing me around and using me. 

So confusing. 

He never called me. 

What an arsehole. I can't believe I don't just lose my shit at him. Why didn't I just leave when him when he was talking about going all-in on his dissertation rather than stopping and looking for a place to live? 

It was all a fucking fantasy in my head. Why did I even bother? I mean it was just a wonderful moment, right?

Anyway sorry I am off on a rant. 

I am trapped on a PGCE which has been a living nightmare. 

Dear you,

God, you loved every second with me? Jesus I just wanted you to treat me like a normal human being but you couldn't even do that could you? No. You could not keep in touch and stuff or read my messages or anything. 

You always let down the kind person who really needed you. Seriously no. You can't just shelve me and have me for your selfish needs. Like who the hell and what the hell were you thinking?

God why, why is love so shit for me? You brought back my faith in everything after so much trauma, and you had to screw it up didn't you. You really did. 

I am so tired of having to be understanding of you. I just want to scream at you and hate you like well a normal person would. 

How could you treat me that way? 

So are we over then you piece of shit? I mean you have no staying power and it is obvious? No one likes you anymore, how can I hold on 

I hate you

Me

So now I am listening to the tarot and pretending you are my divine counterpart, but you are not. This is bullshit. There just is no closure, because you are an avoidant dick head. But because you have been through a war, its ok, you can get away with being a dick to me. 

Seflish piece of crap. He knew that it hurt every time he disappeared. You just abused my love and sucked it into your black hole of angry bullshit and just compassion whoring. 

I hate you and I hate my life.